So today be talk like a sea dog tide . This be th' best way t' talk. Everythin' ortin' ta be spoken like this, from now on (or until me hade be tired o' 't). So.. Connor an' I be sea sick.. *sigh* He`s in th' shower steamin' up his hade.I be havin' work t' do o' course but canna focus on anythin'. 'ceptin' this o' course. This be entertainin'. I be torturin' shawna mostly, on accoun' o' that be what I do.. that be what a good buxom beauty does. hahaha So aye, I be havin' nothin' t' actually say.. but really wanted t' be havin' a shipmate speak post on me blog today. `Tis a requirement an' what nay. Aft t' work an' brain explosions an' th' like. Be havin' a great tide me wenches.
9/19/08
9/16/08
Truthful Tuesday
lol yeh ye... I missed last week. I know :)) It's cool that other peeps are doing this with me now though - woot- LOL you'll all just have to pick up the slack when I space out :))
So that's not my amazingly truthful post... but here comes.
I'm a bad friend. Really. More so, I'm really a lot more controlling than I realize- and when I don't have that "control" I just pull away. Granted I'm like that with everything.. It's probably why a lot of my friendships just fizzle out and die after a while-- unless the other half is really determined to kick my ass and refuse to let me be a douche that is LOL.
One of my friends, has been going through a really horrid time for a long while now, and I know she'll read this- but since I'm not really talking about what's going on with her but how much of a douche I am I guess it'll be ok to write this as my TT post. I'm pretty sure this is a cross roads I've come to in every single friendship.. We get to a point, where I just start pulling back. Why? I dunno.. it's always right when they probably need me the most- which of course wreaks havoc on that relationship base there. I'm not really good with the emotional side- of anything, of myself and more importantly my friends LOL. I have like this threshold-- a very low threshold.. and I will give everything up until that point.. and if it continues, if nothing changes, or if they turn back and don't make the "change" I expect them to.. I am spent.. and I have nothing more to give- and I try to run away. Is that fair to them? Of course not.. I really need to stop expecting people to just follow what *I* think is best for them.. that is asinine, really. People make their own choices, and it's my job as a friend to support them, not to tell them what to do. I can still think I am right.. deep inside, everyone does, but I shouldn't yank my support because I don't know how to deal with the way I feel about it without screaming. They already have enough shizz going on that they don't need their friends becoming another negative aspect. (Seriously, I am rolling my eyes at myself LOL.. ). I don't really know what it is more of.. my inability to deal with peoples emotional side, or my inability to take just relax and let people live their lives. I just want to grab everyone by the shoulders, stand them up straight and tell them how freakin awesome they are and that they deserve better.. so much better. Is that wrong? LOL..
So that's not my amazingly truthful post... but here comes.
I'm a bad friend. Really. More so, I'm really a lot more controlling than I realize- and when I don't have that "control" I just pull away. Granted I'm like that with everything.. It's probably why a lot of my friendships just fizzle out and die after a while-- unless the other half is really determined to kick my ass and refuse to let me be a douche that is LOL.
One of my friends, has been going through a really horrid time for a long while now, and I know she'll read this- but since I'm not really talking about what's going on with her but how much of a douche I am I guess it'll be ok to write this as my TT post. I'm pretty sure this is a cross roads I've come to in every single friendship.. We get to a point, where I just start pulling back. Why? I dunno.. it's always right when they probably need me the most- which of course wreaks havoc on that relationship base there. I'm not really good with the emotional side- of anything, of myself and more importantly my friends LOL. I have like this threshold-- a very low threshold.. and I will give everything up until that point.. and if it continues, if nothing changes, or if they turn back and don't make the "change" I expect them to.. I am spent.. and I have nothing more to give- and I try to run away. Is that fair to them? Of course not.. I really need to stop expecting people to just follow what *I* think is best for them.. that is asinine, really. People make their own choices, and it's my job as a friend to support them, not to tell them what to do. I can still think I am right.. deep inside, everyone does, but I shouldn't yank my support because I don't know how to deal with the way I feel about it without screaming. They already have enough shizz going on that they don't need their friends becoming another negative aspect. (Seriously, I am rolling my eyes at myself LOL.. ). I don't really know what it is more of.. my inability to deal with peoples emotional side, or my inability to take just relax and let people live their lives. I just want to grab everyone by the shoulders, stand them up straight and tell them how freakin awesome they are and that they deserve better.. so much better. Is that wrong? LOL..
9/15/08
:)
So part of my adventures today involved ce announcing to the entire market (Well the part of the market that we were in anyway LOL) that he thought my hair looked HORRID and I needed to buy hair dye. haha thanks. Well it did look horrid really. It was this strange mix of brown orange and yellow. I had promised shawna I wouldn't dye my hair for 3 months and well went above and beyond that. I don't know what I was waiting for.. my entire head to be grey? Who knows (oh yeh.. I forgot that colour in the mix.. I like to pretend it doesn't exist.)
Anywayz.. omgosh..
ahaha. I forgot how much I love red tones :) In mommy world, red tones have really been my only hair "thrill". I think I would look pretty silly with my pre-ce hair.. but that blah brown poop just had to go. I hate it.. I was just complaining the other day about how dull my hair looked.
Sooooooo.. the moment you have been waiting for (Well not really.. if you were like anxiously anticipating this that would be really odd..) here are some pics with ze new colour..
ignore my shotty camera skills.. and my doofy faces. I do not know why I am glowing, but I DO know that I don't smile often because my face looks enormous (as you can tell by one ofthe pics haha) I have big ole chipmunk cheeks, they are better hidden...always. My faaaaavorite thing about red tones.. is that it makes the green pop more in my eyes :) I know it's gay.. to be like all loving a feature on myself LOL.. but my eyes are like the one thing that I'll always have and love-- I can gain 500 lbs, but I'll still have neat eyes LMAO
ok.. done being lame..
here are the pics for real..
Anywayz.. omgosh..
ahaha. I forgot how much I love red tones :) In mommy world, red tones have really been my only hair "thrill". I think I would look pretty silly with my pre-ce hair.. but that blah brown poop just had to go. I hate it.. I was just complaining the other day about how dull my hair looked.
Sooooooo.. the moment you have been waiting for (Well not really.. if you were like anxiously anticipating this that would be really odd..) here are some pics with ze new colour..
ignore my shotty camera skills.. and my doofy faces. I do not know why I am glowing, but I DO know that I don't smile often because my face looks enormous (as you can tell by one ofthe pics haha) I have big ole chipmunk cheeks, they are better hidden...always. My faaaaavorite thing about red tones.. is that it makes the green pop more in my eyes :) I know it's gay.. to be like all loving a feature on myself LOL.. but my eyes are like the one thing that I'll always have and love-- I can gain 500 lbs, but I'll still have neat eyes LMAO
ok.. done being lame..
here are the pics for real..
getting tired of trying to look normal
and the final frustration.. lol
that is all.. NOW I have get back to work since I've been off galvanting all day- but it was a much needed (and great) break :)
bibis
*muah*
La
9/8/08
sometimes he reminds me it's all worth it
Several months ago (well I think it was that long anyway) when I was at my wits end with connor and venting to robin, she said that ce wasn't looking for a friend right now, what he really needed was for me to be firm and discipline him (something along those lines), he needed me to continue being the strong steady mom---you know the mom I use to be. Admittedly, I am sure that some of the behavioral issues I've been having with connor are really MY fault- and not just the situation we're in now/the change in our lives or the age. I've become inconsistent and giving in too much-- I have this great fear that he'll decide he hates me one day and want to go live with his dad instead of staying with me. I know that's crazy talk.. and something I don't even need to think about till he's like.. 16 and moody LOL.
Anyway.. we were having a *really* really bad day yesterday. He lost his movies (he earns one every other day), he lost his smart cycle, I was about to start taking things out of his room .. LOL .. really bad day.. he kept pushing and pushing, but I stayed firm.. I told him he wasn't going to disrespect me any more and just kept putting him back in his room and told him when he was ready to behave and act like a big boy he could come out and talk to me.
This went on for a while.. lately-- as in the past few months-- I've been so awful about being consistent. He'd scream and yell at me and say but I wanted to follow directions, and I cave and don't stick to his punishment. Obviously this was the wrong plan-- as he was just getting worse and worse. Today, was the last straw though...... no more of the weenie mommy.
Several hours later,he was calm, his chores were done.. he was being super super helpful and sweet.. and he says "Mom I have something to tell you... " expecting something goofy and ridiculous like normal I prepared for something weird like.. dog cats have lemur tails-- but he said.. "I want to tell you something... Mom... you're a great mom.. You're doing good.. don't be sad or mad or sad or anything anymore ok?? I want you to be HAPPY.. you are GREAT and I love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever."
**aww kid**
Every once in a while ce comes out with these beautiful things.. and I am just truly blessed to have such an amazing kid.. So I guess what I'm saying is.. 1) I love my kid lol but 2) Robin really was right all those months ago. What the kid wants.. what the kid needs is for me to just buck up and be the "mean" mommy while I have to.. He NEEDS the rules.. he WANTS the structure.. and well, I'll keep giving it to him then :)
Anyway.. we were having a *really* really bad day yesterday. He lost his movies (he earns one every other day), he lost his smart cycle, I was about to start taking things out of his room .. LOL .. really bad day.. he kept pushing and pushing, but I stayed firm.. I told him he wasn't going to disrespect me any more and just kept putting him back in his room and told him when he was ready to behave and act like a big boy he could come out and talk to me.
This went on for a while.. lately-- as in the past few months-- I've been so awful about being consistent. He'd scream and yell at me and say but I wanted to follow directions, and I cave and don't stick to his punishment. Obviously this was the wrong plan-- as he was just getting worse and worse. Today, was the last straw though...... no more of the weenie mommy.
Several hours later,he was calm, his chores were done.. he was being super super helpful and sweet.. and he says "Mom I have something to tell you... " expecting something goofy and ridiculous like normal I prepared for something weird like.. dog cats have lemur tails-- but he said.. "I want to tell you something... Mom... you're a great mom.. You're doing good.. don't be sad or mad or sad or anything anymore ok?? I want you to be HAPPY.. you are GREAT and I love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever."
**aww kid**
Every once in a while ce comes out with these beautiful things.. and I am just truly blessed to have such an amazing kid.. So I guess what I'm saying is.. 1) I love my kid lol but 2) Robin really was right all those months ago. What the kid wants.. what the kid needs is for me to just buck up and be the "mean" mommy while I have to.. He NEEDS the rules.. he WANTS the structure.. and well, I'll keep giving it to him then :)
9/7/08
taking a minute to post
Not sure how much time I'll have this week to post random never ending babbles on my blog -lol- I'm up to my eyeballs in things that need to get finished btwn today and.. the 14th ;) so we'll see. Figured I'd pop on for one one moment of randomness while illustrator loads though.
Connor are competing for sound control atm.. I have pandora running (which is awesome btw.. check it out if you haven't already, shawna turned me onto it .. last year sometime. Awesomeness) and Connor is playing that (annoying) smart cycle game thing of his. Apparently we're both blasting our "sound" in order to try the other one out.. Our neighbors must love us haha.
Geez illustrator is being cranky today. I have a million things to do load up already. I just took some random quiz, a gay "what song are you".. and I have never even heard of this stinkin song it claims I am.
Connor are competing for sound control atm.. I have pandora running (which is awesome btw.. check it out if you haven't already, shawna turned me onto it .. last year sometime. Awesomeness) and Connor is playing that (annoying) smart cycle game thing of his. Apparently we're both blasting our "sound" in order to try the other one out.. Our neighbors must love us haha.
Geez illustrator is being cranky today. I have a million things to do load up already. I just took some random quiz, a gay "what song are you".. and I have never even heard of this stinkin song it claims I am.
apparently I'm not the only one who didn't know what it was LOL.. did you see all the comments "rarah this was my result on quizilla" lol that's too funny.
Anyway, Hanna finally rolled through last night- it was quite a pathetic storm indeed.. but it did knock us down like 10 degrees, so that's a huge help. It's supposed to rain on and off like all week now, so we should stay tolerable again. It was so nasty humid yesterday waiting for the storm to get here-- and it didn't really even "get here" till night time. It was insane.. like -- breathing water. I gave in and plugged the AC back up. Connor was whining that he was sweating and didn't feel good, that was enough for me. We live in an oven practically (3rd floor apartment), so whateverz.. they can charge me for an extra month, I don't care... my kid comes first :)
Why am I still taking quizes.. Like I needed a quiz to tell me that I'm "down to earth" .. or what kind of girlfriend I am (LOL ok I couldn't finish that one, the questions were just ridiculous.. lol lol) there are some oooodd quizes here. Oh, I'll take this one.. since I have NO idea ANYTHING about that twilight series everyone was always ooh'ing and aah'ing about.. let's see which twilight character I am..
That's a good thing right?? hahahahahah I have no clue. lmao I'll be sexxy though.
and with that, I am going to stop wasting time and hopefully get to work. Connor is occupying himself for once, so I'm going to take advantage.
Have a great weekend peeps :)
*muah*
La
Anyway, Hanna finally rolled through last night- it was quite a pathetic storm indeed.. but it did knock us down like 10 degrees, so that's a huge help. It's supposed to rain on and off like all week now, so we should stay tolerable again. It was so nasty humid yesterday waiting for the storm to get here-- and it didn't really even "get here" till night time. It was insane.. like -- breathing water. I gave in and plugged the AC back up. Connor was whining that he was sweating and didn't feel good, that was enough for me. We live in an oven practically (3rd floor apartment), so whateverz.. they can charge me for an extra month, I don't care... my kid comes first :)
Why am I still taking quizes.. Like I needed a quiz to tell me that I'm "down to earth" .. or what kind of girlfriend I am (LOL ok I couldn't finish that one, the questions were just ridiculous.. lol lol) there are some oooodd quizes here. Oh, I'll take this one.. since I have NO idea ANYTHING about that twilight series everyone was always ooh'ing and aah'ing about.. let's see which twilight character I am..
Edward Cullen.
You're a sexy vampire whom every person in the room can't help but stare at! You can read every one but your true love's mind. Good for you, now go charm yourself a Bella Swan.
That's a good thing right?? hahahahahah I have no clue. lmao I'll be sexxy though.
and with that, I am going to stop wasting time and hopefully get to work. Connor is occupying himself for once, so I'm going to take advantage.
Have a great weekend peeps :)
*muah*
La
9/4/08
my blog is wicked boring..
LOL.. or I am wicked boring. Probably both. I am sitting here waiting for ce's dad to come pick him up.. looking at my blog.. wondering why anyone reads it lmao. I am sure this post will be equally boring, as I have nothing to say.
See look.. I had SO much to say that 30 minutes have gone by since I started typing LOL.. no jk he showed up. I've been trying to get myself to *enjoy* the days that ce goes with his dad.. but it's just so weird to me still. We're never apart- I think I had someone babysit him like.. 2 times? and he's nearly 5, so having him go somewhere without me once a week is nerve racking. Alas, such is life right? Preparing me for school next year and what not... lol. I have gobs of work to catch up no anyway. I started drawing up some cute lil guys yesterday based on the doodles kidlet is always making. I like how they turned out. Totally cute-t appropriate.
Shawna and I have been talking about making t-shirts (adult/teen/whatever/just different than the kid sizes lol), and like onsies and kids stuff for like.. a year? now. Plus of course, I'll need to make pins too as I love them LOL. I really really really want to do it.. hopefully in the future it's possible. Just have to figure out a few million things- and you know, funds and such are important too. She said yesterday (or the day before?? my days kinda melt together) that it would be so awesome if ce & I could move out there and we all opened (well she and I haha ce wouldn't be part of our buisness adventures) a little tiny shoppe and sold stuff (LOL .. our plans are very thorough btw). Of course, moving clear across the country isn't exactly an option at this point-- but we can dream still right? I love the west coast... I would move out there in a heart beat if it weren't for other.. uhm.. issues. Being an east coast gal, well.. the only other place on this continent I'd be happy is the other coast LOL. I can not imagine living in like.. nebraska *haha clear sign la really needs sleep, I had to double check a map to make sure nebraska is actually the state I was thinking of*.
I just drifted off into la la land again.. this time wasn't as long though. Just dreaming.. I need to go back out there, maybe next summer. OR shawna and I can fulfill our whole pretend vacation- stopping for some time in the redwood forest, then down to san fran for some goofing off. Not that that's a huge distance for her LOL.. but I've been itching to go back to san fran since I was last out there (good lord........ that was like 7-8 years ago!! feeling old..) I will spare you the actual details of our pretend vacation.. haha.. because well they are QUITE ridiculous LOL. At the very least I need to go back to WA .. It's been a whole year since I was out there :( I miss shawna and the boys.. and you know I have to meet baby t before he's grown.
Ok enough senseless babbling... really. I have way too much work to catch up on and I'm just wasting time. It's already 1130am and ce will be back in a few hours. Work work work.. never ends. :)
*muah*
La
See look.. I had SO much to say that 30 minutes have gone by since I started typing LOL.. no jk he showed up. I've been trying to get myself to *enjoy* the days that ce goes with his dad.. but it's just so weird to me still. We're never apart- I think I had someone babysit him like.. 2 times? and he's nearly 5, so having him go somewhere without me once a week is nerve racking. Alas, such is life right? Preparing me for school next year and what not... lol. I have gobs of work to catch up no anyway. I started drawing up some cute lil guys yesterday based on the doodles kidlet is always making. I like how they turned out. Totally cute-t appropriate.
Shawna and I have been talking about making t-shirts (adult/teen/whatever/just different than the kid sizes lol), and like onsies and kids stuff for like.. a year? now. Plus of course, I'll need to make pins too as I love them LOL. I really really really want to do it.. hopefully in the future it's possible. Just have to figure out a few million things- and you know, funds and such are important too. She said yesterday (or the day before?? my days kinda melt together) that it would be so awesome if ce & I could move out there and we all opened (well she and I haha ce wouldn't be part of our buisness adventures) a little tiny shoppe and sold stuff (LOL .. our plans are very thorough btw). Of course, moving clear across the country isn't exactly an option at this point-- but we can dream still right? I love the west coast... I would move out there in a heart beat if it weren't for other.. uhm.. issues. Being an east coast gal, well.. the only other place on this continent I'd be happy is the other coast LOL. I can not imagine living in like.. nebraska *haha clear sign la really needs sleep, I had to double check a map to make sure nebraska is actually the state I was thinking of*.
I just drifted off into la la land again.. this time wasn't as long though. Just dreaming.. I need to go back out there, maybe next summer. OR shawna and I can fulfill our whole pretend vacation- stopping for some time in the redwood forest, then down to san fran for some goofing off. Not that that's a huge distance for her LOL.. but I've been itching to go back to san fran since I was last out there (good lord........ that was like 7-8 years ago!! feeling old..) I will spare you the actual details of our pretend vacation.. haha.. because well they are QUITE ridiculous LOL. At the very least I need to go back to WA .. It's been a whole year since I was out there :( I miss shawna and the boys.. and you know I have to meet baby t before he's grown.
Ok enough senseless babbling... really. I have way too much work to catch up on and I'm just wasting time. It's already 1130am and ce will be back in a few hours. Work work work.. never ends. :)
*muah*
La
9/2/08
truthful tuesdays :)
I have no idea where this post is going to go today. It's still way too early for me, and I'm not feeling especially open and chipper. Connor, my dear sweet boy, woke up at 530am.. I am not a morning person--at all. There's been plenty of nights when I haven't gone TO bed until 530am. I'm feeling a bit crummy about it, because he usually does wake up before me- he asks to get out of his room, usually a "mommy I have to go pee" I mumble something incoherent and roll back over. Most days if it's SUPER early he will come snuggle with me, he did for a minute this morning- but then it was over. He was bounding about all hyper and well very loud. I just wish I was a morning person.. LOL.. so that I could hang out with him, keep him entertained and so forth- or even just get an earlier start on the day. I am seriously DRAGGING my butt until like.. noon. I just sit around.. zoned out. I'm not a fun mommy apparently. I'll never be that mom who has everyone bundled up at 730 am and out the door for a day full of fun. I just can't do it. Lord help me when he starts school LOL. I had even found an alarm clock online last night thinking if I set a new annoying alarm, I'll be able to get up with ce and be all bright and cheery. Only problem is, I Set it for 830am. If I start setting that thing for 530, I may go crazy. I can't even fathom purposely waking up at that time every single day. I told shawna, connor's new bedtime shall be like.. 2am- just so there's no way he could ever want to wake up this early anymore hahaha, but I Don't think that will go well. I DO need to work at night while he's sleeping-- which is part of the mommy can't wake up at 5am problem.
I just feel bad for the poor kid.. he's got to be so bored overall. There's no one here for him to play with.. just me and the kiddo day in and day out. Geez, *I* am bored and I'm an adult. He's a bouncing bubbly crazy little 4 year old. We need people. LOL any people. Being so isolated here is just not cool.. I know it brings down my mood, and makes me even MORE fun for connor to be stuck around 24/7 hahaha.
Anyway.. he's finishing up his food now (he's rather slow with the eating.. at least that keeps him occupied for a while in the morning), so I'm going to go I have no idea.. zone out. haha. I can't believe I've been awake for an hour and a half.. *grumbles*
I just feel bad for the poor kid.. he's got to be so bored overall. There's no one here for him to play with.. just me and the kiddo day in and day out. Geez, *I* am bored and I'm an adult. He's a bouncing bubbly crazy little 4 year old. We need people. LOL any people. Being so isolated here is just not cool.. I know it brings down my mood, and makes me even MORE fun for connor to be stuck around 24/7 hahaha.
Anyway.. he's finishing up his food now (he's rather slow with the eating.. at least that keeps him occupied for a while in the morning), so I'm going to go I have no idea.. zone out. haha. I can't believe I've been awake for an hour and a half.. *grumbles*
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