lol yeh ye... I missed last week. I know :)) It's cool that other peeps are doing this with me now though - woot- LOL you'll all just have to pick up the slack when I space out :))
So that's not my amazingly truthful post... but here comes.
I'm a bad friend. Really. More so, I'm really a lot more controlling than I realize- and when I don't have that "control" I just pull away. Granted I'm like that with everything.. It's probably why a lot of my friendships just fizzle out and die after a while-- unless the other half is really determined to kick my ass and refuse to let me be a douche that is LOL.
One of my friends, has been going through a really horrid time for a long while now, and I know she'll read this- but since I'm not really talking about what's going on with her but how much of a douche I am I guess it'll be ok to write this as my TT post. I'm pretty sure this is a cross roads I've come to in every single friendship.. We get to a point, where I just start pulling back. Why? I dunno.. it's always right when they probably need me the most- which of course wreaks havoc on that relationship base there. I'm not really good with the emotional side- of anything, of myself and more importantly my friends LOL. I have like this threshold-- a very low threshold.. and I will give everything up until that point.. and if it continues, if nothing changes, or if they turn back and don't make the "change" I expect them to.. I am spent.. and I have nothing more to give- and I try to run away. Is that fair to them? Of course not.. I really need to stop expecting people to just follow what *I* think is best for them.. that is asinine, really. People make their own choices, and it's my job as a friend to support them, not to tell them what to do. I can still think I am right.. deep inside, everyone does, but I shouldn't yank my support because I don't know how to deal with the way I feel about it without screaming. They already have enough shizz going on that they don't need their friends becoming another negative aspect. (Seriously, I am rolling my eyes at myself LOL.. ). I don't really know what it is more of.. my inability to deal with peoples emotional side, or my inability to take just relax and let people live their lives. I just want to grab everyone by the shoulders, stand them up straight and tell them how freakin awesome they are and that they deserve better.. so much better. Is that wrong? LOL..
So that's not my amazingly truthful post... but here comes.
I'm a bad friend. Really. More so, I'm really a lot more controlling than I realize- and when I don't have that "control" I just pull away. Granted I'm like that with everything.. It's probably why a lot of my friendships just fizzle out and die after a while-- unless the other half is really determined to kick my ass and refuse to let me be a douche that is LOL.
One of my friends, has been going through a really horrid time for a long while now, and I know she'll read this- but since I'm not really talking about what's going on with her but how much of a douche I am I guess it'll be ok to write this as my TT post. I'm pretty sure this is a cross roads I've come to in every single friendship.. We get to a point, where I just start pulling back. Why? I dunno.. it's always right when they probably need me the most- which of course wreaks havoc on that relationship base there. I'm not really good with the emotional side- of anything, of myself and more importantly my friends LOL. I have like this threshold-- a very low threshold.. and I will give everything up until that point.. and if it continues, if nothing changes, or if they turn back and don't make the "change" I expect them to.. I am spent.. and I have nothing more to give- and I try to run away. Is that fair to them? Of course not.. I really need to stop expecting people to just follow what *I* think is best for them.. that is asinine, really. People make their own choices, and it's my job as a friend to support them, not to tell them what to do. I can still think I am right.. deep inside, everyone does, but I shouldn't yank my support because I don't know how to deal with the way I feel about it without screaming. They already have enough shizz going on that they don't need their friends becoming another negative aspect. (Seriously, I am rolling my eyes at myself LOL.. ). I don't really know what it is more of.. my inability to deal with peoples emotional side, or my inability to take just relax and let people live their lives. I just want to grab everyone by the shoulders, stand them up straight and tell them how freakin awesome they are and that they deserve better.. so much better. Is that wrong? LOL..
10 comments:
I have friends and family members that I want to do that to. It is hard when I am a controlling type to let them have their own lives and not interfere. The problem is that I believe so much that they are wrong - I let it eat at me to the point that I just don't talk to them. Mean? yes. Still doing it? yes again. I'm not sure how to fix it. lol
La, I do the same thing. I've lost many friendships b/c of it. I don't know why I'm such a controller...but I am. I think a lot of women are. I don't know how to fix it, either. Sure wish I did!
i am the exact SAME way...i am learning to let go, but it's hard. real hard. i think in the end i realized it was really putting more stress in my life then was necessary...also, in the end they are gonna do what they are gonna do. ya know?
Oh my gosh, I am the same way. I've lost more friends to things like this...because I just can't take it. Plus I am very controlling and I lack the part of my brain that says "dont say that"
I think as women we're just "fixers" by nature. We want things to be right for our family, friends, and the world in general. LOL Why is it too much to ask that everything go perfectly. LOL I guess finding the balance should be what we all try to do. :)
La, I could have written the same thing, I swear.
I get so controlling, I didn't speak to my best friend for months because I didn't like the name she picked for her baby. (Opal)
So... yeah...
we can be in the I'm a Douche Club together, just two insane little douches, sittin' in our treehouse.
Well - La.... I think that in some situations... it is healthy and right to draw the line... it is one thing if you... disagree with the color shirt they are wearing or something :) LOL... but when someone is repeatedly putting themselves in harms way, and you are there to go through it with them EVERY SINGLE TIME... it starts to hurt you emotionally too... Sometimes you HAVE to draw the line in a friendship because it is obvious that they are constantly going to hurting themselves, and in turn breaking your heart.
I'm just noooow figuring this out as a 28 year old... and I think having that instinctive self protective mechanism is a HUGE gift (I wish I had it!). So don't be too hard on yourself babe.
I am sorry to hear that you have lost alot of friendships this way....Hopefully he/she will read this and try to understand a little about your feelings on the subject and if you know this person really needs a friend right now - maybe you can try to be there too?
Totally not wrong. I totally understand where you're coming from.
It's good that you recognize this in yourself. Maybe it's a start to a change? Or at least a "meet me in the middle" kind of thing. Don't beat yourself up about it.. unless you think it will help. haha
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