my blog is wicked boring..

LOL.. or I am wicked boring. Probably both. I am sitting here waiting for ce's dad to come pick him up.. looking at my blog.. wondering why anyone reads it lmao. I am sure this post will be equally boring, as I have nothing to say.
See look.. I had SO much to say that 30 minutes have gone by since I started typing LOL.. no jk he showed up. I've been trying to get myself to *enjoy* the days that ce goes with his dad.. but it's just so weird to me still. We're never apart- I think I had someone babysit him like.. 2 times? and he's nearly 5, so having him go somewhere without me once a week is nerve racking. Alas, such is life right? Preparing me for school next year and what not... lol. I have gobs of work to catch up no anyway. I started drawing up some cute lil guys yesterday based on the doodles kidlet is always making. I like how they turned out. Totally cute-t appropriate.
Shawna and I have been talking about making t-shirts (adult/teen/whatever/just different than the kid sizes lol), and like onsies and kids stuff for like.. a year? now. Plus of course, I'll need to make pins too as I love them LOL. I really really really want to do it.. hopefully in the future it's possible. Just have to figure out a few million things- and you know, funds and such are important too. She said yesterday (or the day before?? my days kinda melt together) that it would be so awesome if ce & I could move out there and we all opened (well she and I haha ce wouldn't be part of our buisness adventures) a little tiny shoppe and sold stuff (LOL .. our plans are very thorough btw). Of course, moving clear across the country isn't exactly an option at this point-- but we can dream still right? I love the west coast... I would move out there in a heart beat if it weren't for other.. uhm.. issues. Being an east coast gal, well.. the only other place on this continent I'd be happy is the other coast LOL. I can not imagine living in like.. nebraska *haha clear sign la really needs sleep, I had to double check a map to make sure nebraska is actually the state I was thinking of*.
I just drifted off into la la land again.. this time wasn't as long though. Just dreaming.. I need to go back out there, maybe next summer. OR shawna and I can fulfill our whole pretend vacation- stopping for some time in the redwood forest, then down to san fran for some goofing off. Not that that's a huge distance for her LOL.. but I've been itching to go back to san fran since I was last out there (good lord........ that was like 7-8 years ago!! feeling old..) I will spare you the actual details of our pretend vacation.. haha.. because well they are QUITE ridiculous LOL. At the very least I need to go back to WA .. It's been a whole year since I was out there :( I miss shawna and the boys.. and you know I have to meet baby t before he's grown.
Ok enough senseless babbling... really. I have way too much work to catch up on and I'm just wasting time. It's already 1130am and ce will be back in a few hours. Work work work.. never ends. :)



truthful tuesdays :)

I have no idea where this post is going to go today. It's still way too early for me, and I'm not feeling especially open and chipper. Connor, my dear sweet boy, woke up at 530am.. I am not a morning person--at all. There's been plenty of nights when I haven't gone TO bed until 530am. I'm feeling a bit crummy about it, because he usually does wake up before me- he asks to get out of his room, usually a "mommy I have to go pee" I mumble something incoherent and roll back over. Most days if it's SUPER early he will come snuggle with me, he did for a minute this morning- but then it was over. He was bounding about all hyper and well very loud. I just wish I was a morning person.. LOL.. so that I could hang out with him, keep him entertained and so forth- or even just get an earlier start on the day. I am seriously DRAGGING my butt until like.. noon. I just sit around.. zoned out. I'm not a fun mommy apparently. I'll never be that mom who has everyone bundled up at 730 am and out the door for a day full of fun. I just can't do it. Lord help me when he starts school LOL. I had even found an alarm clock online last night thinking if I set a new annoying alarm, I'll be able to get up with ce and be all bright and cheery. Only problem is, I Set it for 830am. If I start setting that thing for 530, I may go crazy. I can't even fathom purposely waking up at that time every single day. I told shawna, connor's new bedtime shall be like.. 2am- just so there's no way he could ever want to wake up this early anymore hahaha, but I Don't think that will go well. I DO need to work at night while he's sleeping-- which is part of the mommy can't wake up at 5am problem.
I just feel bad for the poor kid.. he's got to be so bored overall. There's no one here for him to play with.. just me and the kiddo day in and day out. Geez, *I* am bored and I'm an adult. He's a bouncing bubbly crazy little 4 year old. We need people. LOL any people. Being so isolated here is just not cool.. I know it brings down my mood, and makes me even MORE fun for connor to be stuck around 24/7 hahaha.
Anyway.. he's finishing up his food now (he's rather slow with the eating.. at least that keeps him occupied for a while in the morning), so I'm going to go I have no idea.. zone out. haha. I can't believe I've been awake for an hour and a half.. *grumbles*


5 trash bags..

and hella frustration later.. Ce's room is respectable LOL. Since I showed off his mountain I figured I'd show you how well he did do in the end. Last night I was frustrated because it *still* wasn't fixed and started bagging crap up to throw away.. He got the point LOL. It's not perfect, it's not anally organized like I like.. but he did it, and I'm proud of him. He also has way too much crap I've decided LOL. His tent is in the closet & he has a play kitchen that is in *my* room temporarily (that's a major draw I tell ya.. nothing says MOM like having a kitchen in your room).

Hoooray no mountain.. LOL he has a floor!! **la realizes she really needs to update the poor kids room.. he's had that rug since he was a baby LOL**

he is much happier with me today.. LOL no claw for mama

and of course.. kid's gotta represent

It's still way cluttered.. and in my world, we'd throw out like 5 more bags of stuff, but.. really, I have to give the kid credit LOL. IT looks WAY better than it did haha.


I hate imitation meat..

I also hate explaining things to people IRL. Even if it's just three people in a room, it's public speaking to me and I get all shaky and nervous- especially if it's people who I care what they think about me. I was just thinking about this randomly now. It's not that I am embarrassed by my opinions, or don't stand firmly in them-I am just really self conscious about the way I say things, the way I speak in general, and obviously when you get nervous you have a difficult time getting your point across. What does this have to do with imitation meat??
Well a few months ago I was at my "aunts" (she was my moms best friend in highschool).. I generally refuse to eat anything while I am there (another weirdo issue of mine- I don't like to eat im front of most people), so amy (her daughter- we grew up together) was going through the fridge trying to find something I would eat. You see, she was a veg too, for like 9 years, but she suddenly started eating poultry again in the past year or so- her choice. Anyway.. she pulls out some fake imitation turkey sandwich meat. If you've never had the pleasure of seeing/tasting this stuff- it is disgusting. It looks like rotting meat, it's this purple-grey colour...... just all around bad. So I told her as such and that I couldn't eat that-- to which of course I got the standard response of "this is the OPPOSITE of that la it's healthy"..which was quickly followed by the "why are you a veg anyway". I look across the tiny table I'm sitting at in the kitchen and see matt sitting there (her brother), amy is standing above me with this look on her face waiting for me to answer.. my aunt was across the room.... I couldn't get anything out. I put my head on the table and just moaned that I like animals and don't want to eat them.
that's the best I could come up with. I like animals (yes say it in the DOOFIEST voice you can). I've been a veg for almost 4 years (I was a veg prior as well, but pregnancy apparently forces you to throw all your ideals out the window LOL). In all this time ALL I could come up with is I like animals?!? God forbid anyone ever ask me my opinion on something serious IRL. I'll probably just mumble at them until they go away.
I thought about (seriously, this moment nags me :)) because I think my response was more embarrassing than any explanation I could have given) typing out a huge essay (haha) about why I am a veg and sending it to her, but that would just be totally silly- and I need to let things go. Really what I need to do is learn not to be afraid to speak up around people. Sometimes I'm fine...... When I'm alone with my aunt on our walks- I'll scream my opinions to the sky ;) We had a big political conversation the other day-- every once in a while I start trying to slip back into my shell and say stupid silly things that really are entirely irrelevant though of course. It's just a confidence/comfort issue... something on the long list of crap I need to buck up about LOL.
I don't even know WHY I Was thinking about this today.... I did do similar to traci on the phone though, we started talking about something political and instead of stating my point I just growled a few times... and then said I wasn't talking about it. I prefer typing things.. then I Can go back and delete the stupid crap I say ;) There's actually a HUGE list of things I "avoid speaking about" but to sum them up into little tiny categories 1) being a veg 2) politics 3) feelings LOL 4) anything of significant importance to my life :p I'll talk to you about anything else.. bwahahaha