brrr

It's windy outside! very very windy lol.
So last night I was talking to one of my friends about resolutions. He totally rocked this past years resolution.. and is preparing for next years. I've never made any sort of resolution but he inspired me to give it a whack this year. I figure nye is tomorrow.. I might as well get cracking and come up with something good. His new resolution is to quit smoking... completely lol.. and while this should probably be mine too I figured it'd be lame if I just stole his for my first ever. I tried to come up with something cool, I wanted it to be fun but kept coming up with wicked gay ideas. At 3am this morning while staring at the wall wishing I was asleep I came up with something that I thought would work. It has the potential to cover all the boring things.. and some fun things so it could work out.
I decided to break it up so that it'd be easier on miss I lack motivation.. and have decided that once a month.. all year.. I should do something that I want to do, but have been otherwise hesitant or afraid of doing. Little things.. big things.. whatever. For instance I am terrified of trains.. but it would be way easier to go up to boston if I just got on a stupid train instead of having to deal with the annoying traffic (and people on bikes! omg.... I think they may be worse than the cars lol).
So now I just need to come up with 12 things.. I'm not sure if I should think them up all at once, or come up with a new idea each month.. we'll see. Maybe just come up with 3 month plans.. January do something fun that I weenied out of last week (yeh that was purposely vague lol), February maybe I can take the train.. March I can get that first tattoo I want (ok I really really do want to do this in march.. but I'm afraid I will weenie out .. again lol.. what better way to utilize my new resolution lol).
We'll see how it goes.. but I think it could totally rock ;)

hellooo dear sweet bloggie.

I think I need to start posting again, regularly that is. I mean I still don't really have anything much interesting to babble about.. but you never know what random thoughts may pop into my head while typing. They could be really important lol.

Hmmz.. we can start with the standard "Catch up on La's randomness" ..
I am happy.. with the way life is-- stressed to hell of course, but happy with the way things are for the most part. Kid is good, bored and insane, but good... Friends are great, far away.. and I am beginning to hate driving- which is remarkable. I love driving, but apparently there are just some places that I am having issues tolerating (lol).. Cat is alive.. which is also remarkable :p Christmas was ok, went to the rents, drank too much wine.. Ce was whiney and passed out- but overall.. good day. My hair is growing out, insanely quickly.. which is odd to me. I mean my hair has always grown fast, but this is like bwahpffffffffft. (I really made that noise. go ahead and try.. I'm pretty cool you know). Hmm what else.... I'm struggling coming up with ideas for kits lately, the ones that do happen are usually pretty random. Like the other week.. I was sitting here all dorky and seriously yelled "I want to draw a spoon!" ...... yeh I have no idea what the crap that was lol but it worked I guess..
Oh.. and I guess I can tell everyone..
I am totally in love..



with this cereal I am eating ^_^ I'll have to find the box, it is delicious.... I think it's like old people cereal though, it seems all... fibery. Maybe tomorrow I will have something interesting to say :p
Have a great weekend
*muah*
La

Want to Win?

Want to Win a Custom kit or $10 GC to my shoppe? Check out this lil contest I have running at Sweet Shoppe Designs! Post your entries in THIS THREAD by January 3rd @ 9am EST.

Can't wait to see your entries!! Hope everyone has a GREAT end of 2008!! :]

*muah*

La

pfft..

so I was all excited that I was actually going to post.. I'm lame and keep getting way too frippin frazzled to keep up with this whole bloggity thing.. but then...... after 5 tries, I realize I can't remember my password >< and I totally forgot what I wanted to write about in the first place! so I'm just going to wing it..


1) Connor turned 5 yesterday O_O!



and here is a pic of him at 1 week (sorry it's so dark.. old shatty scan)



I dunno how many now know about ce's birth.. but it was a hard time. Today was super important to ce.. because when he was born, he weighed 4lbs 15 oz.. and his goal for his birthday was to hit 40lbs.. he missed it by one day.. but check it out :D LOL I'm so proud of him for hitting his goal hahah. He's wicked tall.. so he's still a pune.. but 40lbs is super awesome for a 5yr old, especially for one who started as small as he did. He beat the odds.. and he's perfect :)


Let's see.. 2) I'm happy. ^_^
I apologize to all my friends who have been dealing with my gay babbling. really.. I know I make you want to puke LOL.. I'm posting my apology publicly so that everyone can smack me upside the head when you start complaining LOL

3) shawna is texting me and I keep forgetting what I am about to type next. someone tell her to just get online sheesh LOL jk

4) I totally can't remember anything else LOL... ce is the most important thing to babble about anyway. so peace out dudes.

*muah*
La

kids are smart..

so I haven't posted in forever.. obviously LOL. things have been insane, btwn designing, store stuff, irl stuff... just a whirlwind of crap and not a lot of time to stop and think. So.. blah blah blah you know.. all that LOL. I'm still adjusting to this whole single mom thing- while on the other hand it seems like it's been forever now. There are still issues popping up every day that I'm not sure how to deal with.. be they personal issues, or issues that directly effect the kidlet .. things I can't control, things I can.. you name it.. we seem to slam into these walls all at once though- which makes it even harder to process it all :p I'm a pretty spazzy person haha so it's not going well on my brain at all.

so back to the kids are smart bit.. I was sitting on the couch just thinking (I don't advise this really lol), and I just let out a lil growl smacked the back of the couch and stood up.. Connor, who I am pretty sure by this point thinks I'm crazy LOL.. asks me what was wrong. I told him simply that I was confused about some things and not really sure what I wanted but not to worry about it. He in turn responds with.. "I hate being confused.. it makes me feel insane (mind you he's just about 5 lol).. when I'm confused.. I think.. and I say.. my tummy is hungry.. it wants food.. so I eat a granola bar... and then I'm not confused anymore".. I giggled and told him it wasn't that easy when you're a mommy.. but why can't it be? I love the sweet innocence my kiddo possess.. the simplicity in which he views the world.. I wish I could step back and just look at things the way he does for one day...... It'd at least calm down my brain a lil bit :p

sigh.

things suck.
period.

lol

so let's see, ce and I are still actually sick, it is like the never ending cold. He still has a bit of a cough and apparent insomnia.. I have the opposite- land of total exhaustion here. We were surviving though you know.. getting better, slowly.

Then.. ce developed a large lump? on his chin- at first I thought it was a mosquito bite.. but no. of course, I freak out.. (well not immediately LOL but eventually I did).. his dad has been exposed to mrsa about 5000 times at work, so of course that's one of the first things running through my mind as it was getting bigger and worse despite my basic wound treatments.

So I took him to the dr yesterday.. no idea what it is yet, I have to call tomorrow to see if the results from his swab are back, but I am hopeful. He's been on the antibiotics they gave him for a lil more than 24 hours (well 1 dose more than), and the stronger antibiotic ointment.. and it "seems" to be getting smaller.. at least the outer red area, so......here's hoping it's not the big bad evil mrsa and the antibiotics are kicking it's butt. Maybe they can take away his cough too while they're at it :p I was pretty panicky yesterday.. ce is allergic to sulfa meds.. and has other issues so-- it's just not something he should have to deal with.. so I get a bit spazzy :))

Poor kid has been dealing with everything the past month..ridiculous. I just want him to feel better finally. He's a pretty sensitive kid, so.. all this "torture" (ie warm compresses and application of the ointment) are like.. the end of the world and he's back to hating me haha, but it's all worth it if it makes him better :)

So yeh.. that's the basic mini update.. explains why I've been less than chatty and .. more distracted than usual. I'm still trying to catch up on work but I'm having serious focusing issues. It's like the computer just puts me right to sleep and I can't function anymore. Oye.. LOL I'm ready for all of this to be over so kidlet and I can get back to normal.

the team blog is down..

again.... and again .. and again. I'm pretty fed up with all the database issues my server has been having since I switched. I'll prolly be on the hunt for a new server soon :p Just wanted to throw that out there. Oh, gallery is down too.. I almost forgot. Woo.. >_<

That is all... I'm (hoping lol) to be busy looking at CARS today!! woot woot.. :) I should get a call sooon. Fingers crossed peeps.

I'll update later, unless I'm grumpy haha.

*muah*

La

Another sleepless night..

filled with coughing kids (well, one kid) and a crappy feeling me. Figured I might as well post my wicked late truthful tuesday post since I'm bloody awake anyway lol.
I have decided I am making a list..

1) I always, always forget every single password I use. Of course since I do a lot of wicked important (lol) stuff online, almost everything has an entirely different password- things get confusing. Sometimes it takes me 10 minutes to log into SSD or Blogger because I have to run through every stankin password I have.. it's annoying. I don't know where the "truth" was in this one.. that I am easily annoyed.. or forgetful or what.. but there you have it.

2) In the past week I went from psycho anit-meds nazi to medicating my child around the clock. I apparently just can't handle coughing suddenly. He's actually doing a little better tonight- woo.. but seriously..he's been medicated since friday and I feel like crap because of it. I know it's not making him any better.. it is helping him sleep though- well sort of, he's been doing most of his sleep at odd hours, so in a round about way I am trying to make myself feel better about it sort of.

3) I'm falling further and further behind on things that I need to get done because of this bloody cold/flu/whatever it is. I have had a constant headache on top of the other crapola.. and I just want to well.. put my head through the computer screen at the moment. That would be quite counter productive though.. so instead.. I am sitting here staring at it, waiting to see if connor settles back down so I can go sneak back into bed.

4) last night, while rocking him back to sleep, I read this really interesting essay/article/whateverz in my allure magazine (yes.. once again.. I have NO idea why I get allure mags.. but I read them anyway) about like obsessive behaviors/obsessions/etc.. it was actually pretty interesting. *says the girl who just refreshed her email 500 times.. yeh.. obsessive behaviors lol*

5) Connor is way too big to be rocked. WAY too big. He's like my moms chocolate lab.. they both think they're itty bitty still and climb up on yer lap. Kid.. you're seriously like just under 2ft shorter than me.. please stop. I love you SO so much, but you are breaking my body lol. I know you feel like crap, I do too.. but one day, very soon probably, I'm not going to be able to pick you up anymore, and .. we just need to break this habit asap.

6) I am very thankful that I am a tall-ish woman. At least in relation to Connor. In other situations I tend to hunch over because I feel a bit akward.. Which is odd- seeing what I grew up with. I'm 5'7.. not a giant, but taller than "average".. but all the males in my family are all super tall.. my dad is 6'4- my cousins are all around there, my uncle.. I think my aunt was even near there LOL.. I had no reason to hunch over growing up, I was always staring at shoulders.. but whatever, I do anyway. (In case you were wondering.. Ce is just (like an inch if we're lucky) under 4' tall.. already. I guess he got my family genes. He'll putter out soon I'm sure.. lol)

7) I'm totally.. totally uninspired right now.

8) I miss my mom and she lives 5 minutes away....

9) I'm a big animal lover- we know this- but I seriously.. can not stand this cat. He is making me bonkers. He's also like, way too cuddly. If I wanted a cuddly animal.. well I don't know where I was going with that, but I'd prefer an animal who cuddles with me not to gnaw on my body parts randomly while we sleep. It's unpleasant, so cut the crap cat. You have your own bed. He ONLY snuggles with me (understandably since ce tortures him). I even like purposely rotate where I sleep (ok, that really is just me being crazy.. but we'll say it's because of this) and he still follows me into the other rooms and lays his fat butt all up on me. sigh. He's a sweet cat mostly, he's just.. well a cat.

10) I thought connor was asleep but, well I'm still not sure. He's talking. This is one of those reasons I don't like meds.. they make my kid crazy. I still remember, when my brother was little .. he was on some mega steroids for his asthma-- and he use to talk a LOT in his sleep.. and one night he was yelling "PUSH THE RED BUTTON!!" over and over.. it was quite odd lol. So yeh, that's all I think of. Though I will say... that since I've been medicating him he hasn't had one single nightmare-- that's good right.. eergh. I don't know why he's been having so many lately, they've all been really scary to him though. He calls them "movies in his eyes" (lol).. sometimes I like die in them and stuff-- no 4 year old should be dreaming that crap. Bleck.

11) and lastly... I will leave you with the voodoo frog.. this is also what medicating my child brings about.. weirdness about.

aye

So today be talk like a sea dog tide . This be th' best way t' talk. Everythin' ortin' ta be spoken like this, from now on (or until me hade be tired o' 't). So.. Connor an' I be sea sick.. *sigh* He`s in th' shower steamin' up his hade.I be havin' work t' do o' course but canna focus on anythin'. 'ceptin' this o' course. This be entertainin'. I be torturin' shawna mostly, on accoun' o' that be what I do.. that be what a good buxom beauty does. hahaha So aye, I be havin' nothin' t' actually say.. but really wanted t' be havin' a shipmate speak post on me blog today. `Tis a requirement an' what nay. Aft t' work an' brain explosions an' th' like. Be havin' a great tide me wenches.

Truthful Tuesday

lol yeh ye... I missed last week. I know :)) It's cool that other peeps are doing this with me now though - woot- LOL you'll all just have to pick up the slack when I space out :))

So that's not my amazingly truthful post... but here comes.

I'm a bad friend. Really. More so, I'm really a lot more controlling than I realize- and when I don't have that "control" I just pull away. Granted I'm like that with everything.. It's probably why a lot of my friendships just fizzle out and die after a while-- unless the other half is really determined to kick my ass and refuse to let me be a douche that is LOL.
One of my friends, has been going through a really horrid time for a long while now, and I know she'll read this- but since I'm not really talking about what's going on with her but how much of a douche I am I guess it'll be ok to write this as my TT post. I'm pretty sure this is a cross roads I've come to in every single friendship.. We get to a point, where I just start pulling back. Why? I dunno.. it's always right when they probably need me the most- which of course wreaks havoc on that relationship base there. I'm not really good with the emotional side- of anything, of myself and more importantly my friends LOL. I have like this threshold-- a very low threshold.. and I will give everything up until that point.. and if it continues, if nothing changes, or if they turn back and don't make the "change" I expect them to.. I am spent.. and I have nothing more to give- and I try to run away. Is that fair to them? Of course not.. I really need to stop expecting people to just follow what *I* think is best for them.. that is asinine, really. People make their own choices, and it's my job as a friend to support them, not to tell them what to do. I can still think I am right.. deep inside, everyone does, but I shouldn't yank my support because I don't know how to deal with the way I feel about it without screaming. They already have enough shizz going on that they don't need their friends becoming another negative aspect. (Seriously, I am rolling my eyes at myself LOL.. ). I don't really know what it is more of.. my inability to deal with peoples emotional side, or my inability to take just relax and let people live their lives. I just want to grab everyone by the shoulders, stand them up straight and tell them how freakin awesome they are and that they deserve better.. so much better. Is that wrong? LOL..

:)

So part of my adventures today involved ce announcing to the entire market (Well the part of the market that we were in anyway LOL) that he thought my hair looked HORRID and I needed to buy hair dye. haha thanks. Well it did look horrid really. It was this strange mix of brown orange and yellow. I had promised shawna I wouldn't dye my hair for 3 months and well went above and beyond that. I don't know what I was waiting for.. my entire head to be grey? Who knows (oh yeh.. I forgot that colour in the mix.. I like to pretend it doesn't exist.)

Anywayz.. omgosh..

ahaha. I forgot how much I love red tones :) In mommy world, red tones have really been my only hair "thrill". I think I would look pretty silly with my pre-ce hair.. but that blah brown poop just had to go. I hate it.. I was just complaining the other day about how dull my hair looked.

Sooooooo.. the moment you have been waiting for (Well not really.. if you were like anxiously anticipating this that would be really odd..) here are some pics with ze new colour..
ignore my shotty camera skills.. and my doofy faces. I do not know why I am glowing, but I DO know that I don't smile often because my face looks enormous (as you can tell by one ofthe pics haha) I have big ole chipmunk cheeks, they are better hidden...always. My faaaaavorite thing about red tones.. is that it makes the green pop more in my eyes :) I know it's gay.. to be like all loving a feature on myself LOL.. but my eyes are like the one thing that I'll always have and love-- I can gain 500 lbs, but I'll still have neat eyes LMAO

ok.. done being lame..

here are the pics for real..

getting tired of trying to look normal


and the final frustration.. lol


that is all.. NOW I have get back to work since I've been off galvanting all day- but it was a much needed (and great) break :)


bibis
*muah*
La

sometimes he reminds me it's all worth it

Several months ago (well I think it was that long anyway) when I was at my wits end with connor and venting to robin, she said that ce wasn't looking for a friend right now, what he really needed was for me to be firm and discipline him (something along those lines), he needed me to continue being the strong steady mom---you know the mom I use to be. Admittedly, I am sure that some of the behavioral issues I've been having with connor are really MY fault- and not just the situation we're in now/the change in our lives or the age. I've become inconsistent and giving in too much-- I have this great fear that he'll decide he hates me one day and want to go live with his dad instead of staying with me. I know that's crazy talk.. and something I don't even need to think about till he's like.. 16 and moody LOL.
Anyway.. we were having a *really* really bad day yesterday. He lost his movies (he earns one every other day), he lost his smart cycle, I was about to start taking things out of his room .. LOL .. really bad day.. he kept pushing and pushing, but I stayed firm.. I told him he wasn't going to disrespect me any more and just kept putting him back in his room and told him when he was ready to behave and act like a big boy he could come out and talk to me.
This went on for a while.. lately-- as in the past few months-- I've been so awful about being consistent. He'd scream and yell at me and say but I wanted to follow directions, and I cave and don't stick to his punishment. Obviously this was the wrong plan-- as he was just getting worse and worse. Today, was the last straw though...... no more of the weenie mommy.
Several hours later,he was calm, his chores were done.. he was being super super helpful and sweet.. and he says "Mom I have something to tell you... " expecting something goofy and ridiculous like normal I prepared for something weird like.. dog cats have lemur tails-- but he said.. "I want to tell you something... Mom... you're a great mom.. You're doing good.. don't be sad or mad or sad or anything anymore ok?? I want you to be HAPPY.. you are GREAT and I love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever."
**aww kid**
Every once in a while ce comes out with these beautiful things.. and I am just truly blessed to have such an amazing kid.. So I guess what I'm saying is.. 1) I love my kid lol but 2) Robin really was right all those months ago. What the kid wants.. what the kid needs is for me to just buck up and be the "mean" mommy while I have to.. He NEEDS the rules.. he WANTS the structure.. and well, I'll keep giving it to him then :)

taking a minute to post

Not sure how much time I'll have this week to post random never ending babbles on my blog -lol- I'm up to my eyeballs in things that need to get finished btwn today and.. the 14th ;) so we'll see. Figured I'd pop on for one one moment of randomness while illustrator loads though.

Connor are competing for sound control atm.. I have pandora running (which is awesome btw.. check it out if you haven't already, shawna turned me onto it .. last year sometime. Awesomeness) and Connor is playing that (annoying) smart cycle game thing of his. Apparently we're both blasting our "sound" in order to try the other one out.. Our neighbors must love us haha.

Geez illustrator is being cranky today. I have a million things to do load up already. I just took some random quiz, a gay "what song are you".. and I have never even heard of this stinkin song it claims I am.

apparently I'm not the only one who didn't know what it was LOL.. did you see all the comments "rarah this was my result on quizilla" lol that's too funny.

Anyway, Hanna finally rolled through last night- it was quite a pathetic storm indeed.. but it did knock us down like 10 degrees, so that's a huge help. It's supposed to rain on and off like all week now, so we should stay tolerable again. It was so nasty humid yesterday waiting for the storm to get here-- and it didn't really even "get here" till night time. It was insane.. like -- breathing water. I gave in and plugged the AC back up. Connor was whining that he was sweating and didn't feel good, that was enough for me. We live in an oven practically (3rd floor apartment), so whateverz.. they can charge me for an extra month, I don't care... my kid comes first :)

Why am I still taking quizes.. Like I needed a quiz to tell me that I'm "down to earth" .. or what kind of girlfriend I am (LOL ok I couldn't finish that one, the questions were just ridiculous.. lol lol) there are some oooodd quizes here. Oh, I'll take this one.. since I have NO idea ANYTHING about that twilight series everyone was always ooh'ing and aah'ing about.. let's see which twilight character I am..

Edward Cullen.

You're a sexy vampire whom every person in the room can't help but stare at! You can read every one but your true love's mind. Good for you, now go charm yourself a Bella Swan.

That's a good thing right?? hahahahahah I have no clue. lmao I'll be sexxy though.

and with that, I am going to stop wasting time and hopefully get to work. Connor is occupying himself for once, so I'm going to take advantage.

Have a great weekend peeps :)
*muah*
La

my blog is wicked boring..

LOL.. or I am wicked boring. Probably both. I am sitting here waiting for ce's dad to come pick him up.. looking at my blog.. wondering why anyone reads it lmao. I am sure this post will be equally boring, as I have nothing to say.
See look.. I had SO much to say that 30 minutes have gone by since I started typing LOL.. no jk he showed up. I've been trying to get myself to *enjoy* the days that ce goes with his dad.. but it's just so weird to me still. We're never apart- I think I had someone babysit him like.. 2 times? and he's nearly 5, so having him go somewhere without me once a week is nerve racking. Alas, such is life right? Preparing me for school next year and what not... lol. I have gobs of work to catch up no anyway. I started drawing up some cute lil guys yesterday based on the doodles kidlet is always making. I like how they turned out. Totally cute-t appropriate.
Shawna and I have been talking about making t-shirts (adult/teen/whatever/just different than the kid sizes lol), and like onsies and kids stuff for like.. a year? now. Plus of course, I'll need to make pins too as I love them LOL. I really really really want to do it.. hopefully in the future it's possible. Just have to figure out a few million things- and you know, funds and such are important too. She said yesterday (or the day before?? my days kinda melt together) that it would be so awesome if ce & I could move out there and we all opened (well she and I haha ce wouldn't be part of our buisness adventures) a little tiny shoppe and sold stuff (LOL .. our plans are very thorough btw). Of course, moving clear across the country isn't exactly an option at this point-- but we can dream still right? I love the west coast... I would move out there in a heart beat if it weren't for other.. uhm.. issues. Being an east coast gal, well.. the only other place on this continent I'd be happy is the other coast LOL. I can not imagine living in like.. nebraska *haha clear sign la really needs sleep, I had to double check a map to make sure nebraska is actually the state I was thinking of*.
I just drifted off into la la land again.. this time wasn't as long though. Just dreaming.. I need to go back out there, maybe next summer. OR shawna and I can fulfill our whole pretend vacation- stopping for some time in the redwood forest, then down to san fran for some goofing off. Not that that's a huge distance for her LOL.. but I've been itching to go back to san fran since I was last out there (good lord........ that was like 7-8 years ago!! feeling old..) I will spare you the actual details of our pretend vacation.. haha.. because well they are QUITE ridiculous LOL. At the very least I need to go back to WA .. It's been a whole year since I was out there :( I miss shawna and the boys.. and you know I have to meet baby t before he's grown.
Ok enough senseless babbling... really. I have way too much work to catch up on and I'm just wasting time. It's already 1130am and ce will be back in a few hours. Work work work.. never ends. :)

*muah*
La

truthful tuesdays :)

I have no idea where this post is going to go today. It's still way too early for me, and I'm not feeling especially open and chipper. Connor, my dear sweet boy, woke up at 530am.. I am not a morning person--at all. There's been plenty of nights when I haven't gone TO bed until 530am. I'm feeling a bit crummy about it, because he usually does wake up before me- he asks to get out of his room, usually a "mommy I have to go pee" I mumble something incoherent and roll back over. Most days if it's SUPER early he will come snuggle with me, he did for a minute this morning- but then it was over. He was bounding about all hyper and well very loud. I just wish I was a morning person.. LOL.. so that I could hang out with him, keep him entertained and so forth- or even just get an earlier start on the day. I am seriously DRAGGING my butt until like.. noon. I just sit around.. zoned out. I'm not a fun mommy apparently. I'll never be that mom who has everyone bundled up at 730 am and out the door for a day full of fun. I just can't do it. Lord help me when he starts school LOL. I had even found an alarm clock online last night thinking if I set a new annoying alarm, I'll be able to get up with ce and be all bright and cheery. Only problem is, I Set it for 830am. If I start setting that thing for 530, I may go crazy. I can't even fathom purposely waking up at that time every single day. I told shawna, connor's new bedtime shall be like.. 2am- just so there's no way he could ever want to wake up this early anymore hahaha, but I Don't think that will go well. I DO need to work at night while he's sleeping-- which is part of the mommy can't wake up at 5am problem.
I just feel bad for the poor kid.. he's got to be so bored overall. There's no one here for him to play with.. just me and the kiddo day in and day out. Geez, *I* am bored and I'm an adult. He's a bouncing bubbly crazy little 4 year old. We need people. LOL any people. Being so isolated here is just not cool.. I know it brings down my mood, and makes me even MORE fun for connor to be stuck around 24/7 hahaha.
Anyway.. he's finishing up his food now (he's rather slow with the eating.. at least that keeps him occupied for a while in the morning), so I'm going to go I have no idea.. zone out. haha. I can't believe I've been awake for an hour and a half.. *grumbles*

5 trash bags..

and hella frustration later.. Ce's room is respectable LOL. Since I showed off his mountain I figured I'd show you how well he did do in the end. Last night I was frustrated because it *still* wasn't fixed and started bagging crap up to throw away.. He got the point LOL. It's not perfect, it's not anally organized like I like.. but he did it, and I'm proud of him. He also has way too much crap I've decided LOL. His tent is in the closet & he has a play kitchen that is in *my* room temporarily (that's a major draw I tell ya.. nothing says MOM like having a kitchen in your room).

Hoooray no mountain.. LOL he has a floor!! **la realizes she really needs to update the poor kids room.. he's had that rug since he was a baby LOL**

he is much happier with me today.. LOL no claw for mama


and of course.. kid's gotta represent

It's still way cluttered.. and in my world, we'd throw out like 5 more bags of stuff, but.. really, I have to give the kid credit LOL. IT looks WAY better than it did haha.

I hate imitation meat..

I also hate explaining things to people IRL. Even if it's just three people in a room, it's public speaking to me and I get all shaky and nervous- especially if it's people who I care what they think about me. I was just thinking about this randomly now. It's not that I am embarrassed by my opinions, or don't stand firmly in them-I am just really self conscious about the way I say things, the way I speak in general, and obviously when you get nervous you have a difficult time getting your point across. What does this have to do with imitation meat??
Well a few months ago I was at my "aunts" (she was my moms best friend in highschool).. I generally refuse to eat anything while I am there (another weirdo issue of mine- I don't like to eat im front of most people), so amy (her daughter- we grew up together) was going through the fridge trying to find something I would eat. You see, she was a veg too, for like 9 years, but she suddenly started eating poultry again in the past year or so- her choice. Anyway.. she pulls out some fake imitation turkey sandwich meat. If you've never had the pleasure of seeing/tasting this stuff- it is disgusting. It looks like rotting meat, it's this purple-grey colour...... just all around bad. So I told her as such and that I couldn't eat that-- to which of course I got the standard response of "this is the OPPOSITE of that la it's healthy"..which was quickly followed by the "why are you a veg anyway". I look across the tiny table I'm sitting at in the kitchen and see matt sitting there (her brother), amy is standing above me with this look on her face waiting for me to answer.. my aunt was across the room.... I couldn't get anything out. I put my head on the table and just moaned that I like animals and don't want to eat them.
WHAT?!!??!
that's the best I could come up with. I like animals (yes say it in the DOOFIEST voice you can). I've been a veg for almost 4 years (I was a veg prior as well, but pregnancy apparently forces you to throw all your ideals out the window LOL). In all this time ALL I could come up with is I like animals?!? God forbid anyone ever ask me my opinion on something serious IRL. I'll probably just mumble at them until they go away.
I thought about (seriously, this moment nags me :)) because I think my response was more embarrassing than any explanation I could have given) typing out a huge essay (haha) about why I am a veg and sending it to her, but that would just be totally silly- and I need to let things go. Really what I need to do is learn not to be afraid to speak up around people. Sometimes I'm fine...... When I'm alone with my aunt on our walks- I'll scream my opinions to the sky ;) We had a big political conversation the other day-- every once in a while I start trying to slip back into my shell and say stupid silly things that really are entirely irrelevant though of course. It's just a confidence/comfort issue... something on the long list of crap I need to buck up about LOL.
I don't even know WHY I Was thinking about this today.... I did do similar to traci on the phone though, we started talking about something political and instead of stating my point I just growled a few times... and then said I wasn't talking about it. I prefer typing things.. then I Can go back and delete the stupid crap I say ;) There's actually a HUGE list of things I "avoid speaking about" but to sum them up into little tiny categories 1) being a veg 2) politics 3) feelings LOL 4) anything of significant importance to my life :p I'll talk to you about anything else.. bwahahaha

are we supposed to scrap on saturdays? LMAO

lol I was just trying to catch up on bloggies and saw two different scrap saturdays :)) I guess though.. it is the day I scrap the most on LOL .. so I'll jump on the bandwagon..

Here's my latest layout :)

credits:


Hootenanny by Libby Weifenbach & ChereKaye
SBS worn overlays 2
flower- grown with love julie billingsley *recoloured*
acylic-o-holic- traci reed
buttons- laura deacetis fleamarketbaby *recoloured*
ribbon- fee jardine ribbony bits *recoloured*

and also of course,I took the lil silly what font are you quiz that was on reed's bloggie

You Are Palatino

You consider yourself to be creative and artistic. And you'd like everyone else to know it! You take design and aesthetics seriously. You like everything in your life to be unique and beautiful - but never gaudy!

What Font Are You?

apparently mr quiz hadn't noticed.. I'm not afraid of things gaudy :)) but that's ok LOL it says I'm an artiiiiiiist. ;)

Anyway... Nothing exciting here today, lot's of cleaning, need to catch up on work-- you know the same thing every day. It's rather boring here. Oh, in other news (LOL) I got to talk to traci on the phone last night-- she talks a lot btw, I told her 5 minutes and it was nearly 2 hours. She killed my battery LOL. We're going to have a lot of fun when she comes here, every now and then I just heard a traci giggle start bubbling because of the way I said something :P I was tired aight.. LOL. She has a cute lil cali voice.. she sounds a lot younger than I expected her too, but most people do-- unless they sound manly.. that's happened once or twice and it was odd LOL. You know how you always imagine how people talk when you're posting online or whatever, and someone looks like they'd have a really soft dainty voice, and it's deep and booming-- that sorta thing lmao.
Connor of course, woke up- at like 12, and stayed up till like.. 3 (the phone conversation took place somewhere in btwn those hours), he balled when I hung up because he wanted to talk to her.. LOL poor kid. I TRIED, he refused. He'll get to talk to her soon enough :p

Anywayz.. Connor is colouring dino pics for me now, and then we're going to get going on his room again (oye). Wish me luck today LMAO.

*muah*
La

holy CRAP!

LOL I just keep saying holy crap over and over... So in short, Connor has been "cleaning" his room for TWO days. Basically it was a disaster, and I told him to take it little by little, throw away any toys he didnt' want, throw away any paper that was on the floor (he tends to just huck all his art work t here instead of neatly put away in his desk-- you know, typical kid LOL), and of course he had the task of re-organizing all his toy bins. While yes, I do understand this was a HUGE task to just hand to a 4.5 yr old-- tbh I'm tired of doing it for him and him messing it up again (like any mother) SO I basically just wanted to let HIM organize his toys as HE wanted to. He's really really good about his bins (they're separated by toy) so I Figured this would be ok- and like I said, I told him to take his time, and he really was doing great. He loves doing chores, and having free reign of his room made him feel a lil.. I dunno, grown up or something.

Anywayz, as of last night- it was still horrid. He had basically STUFFED his tent full of crap instead of finding the appropriate place for it. So today, I Told him he had to empty his tent out and put things where they belong..... Apparently, in connor's world.. that means empty the closet too, and then just THROW everything ON TOP of the tent- he also made a secondary pile on top of his desk instead of again, putting things where they belong.

So I give you... connor's mountain (the boxes were in his closet)

holy friggin shiz kid!!! LOL the photos don't even do the mountain justice.. but you can see some things poking out that are indicators of the size-- like.. the fan, and the fact that his tent is actually pretty large (well it's a single person tent-- but it's still pretty big- and the rods are prolly snapped now with all this weight on it).

I had to walk out LOL.. and I walked back in with the camera... and this was ce's response to my reaction hahaha

Oye............................. so, lesson learned. NEVER ever ever ever leave a 4.5 yr old completely in charge of their room. bwahahah

I don't even know you... you won't even know I'm gone... la de da de da di do.. LOL yeh, I'm still listening to roses. I don't even know why :)) I just love it. I don't have anything exciting to write at all, but opened blogger because I saw Traci's blog train post for today. I'm kinda in a mood (well that's putting it lightly)- and not really chatty. Yesterday was wednesday-- and we know what wednesdays mean...(daddy visit). So I'm still reeling a little, and then I woke up this morning all sick and crap. Not nice. Connor is actually in a mostly pleasant mood, so that's good. He's usually an absolute TERROR after a visit, but he's just leaving me alone today haha. I don't mind it. Actually, he's a bit of a goober. He's sitting in my laundry basket, which he placed one one of my end tables, eating pumpkin seeds and looking out the window. He's happy though, that's all that matters right :P I randomly started a kit, just now. It's of course fluffy since I'm grumpy. We'll see.... I'm almost TOO grumpy to even be fluffy. Roses Roses gone.. Roses Roses sold out.... sell my kicks for one more low tar (lol oh how I could use a smoke right now- 2 months in a few days :) woo me LOL I would like to you know, not think about it anymore and have my lung capacity back and what not, but we'll get there).
I think, this weekend/next week, I am going to kick the car hunt up a notch. I know being stuck here allllllz the damn time is contributing to my current state of grump. We just can't do this anymore. I want to go to the zoo..... to target.. LOL. Anywhere haha!
See.. I told you. Nothing to talk about. Maybe I'll post again later with something a lil more interesting haha.

truthful tuesdays?

LOL well.. I dunno how open I'll ever get, but this was a suggestion from miss shawna. That doofy exterior of mine is usually just shielding all the bits I don't really want to talk about. I might give little snips here and there, when my anger has bubbled over usually LOL and god forbid I ever actually say anything outLOUD. hahaha That one will take a while. So who's with me for truthful tuesdays? I can't really go it alone.. (well I can, since this is well, my blog, and truthfully I am talking to myself.)

So let's start with something that a good number of people know about, but on the same hand I refuse to publicly talk about.
My version of the truth: I am fat and will always BE fat
The real Truth: I am doing GREAT and have lost 27.6 lbs so far.

The secret to my weight loss? Having my husband leave me, pumpkin seeds, Billy Banks and luna bars hahaha. I have those 4 to thank for my success thus far. I have the first to thank for why I got so big to begin with (and myself of course, we can not put all the blame on the man can we? ) Depressed, not caring about anything anymore, whatever you want to call it I was there. I am never going back there either. Ever.

I decided to actually take shawna up on her truthful tuesdays today because I woke up, got dressed and all that rarahrah.. looked in the mirror, and for the first time, in a really really long time, I felt good about myself. Now, I am still fat- I know it's a dirty word- but I have come so far. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally (here comes the gay talk) and I actually am proud of myself on some level. I keep telling people that I want the old la back.. the la from 5 years ago before I started down this path...... but you know what, I don't really want her back. The new la, is going to be 10 times stronger than her... THAT old la, lead me down that path, she obviously wasn't as great as I seem to think she was ;) I can't wait (I know I have to LOL) till I am fully past this phase of my life and I can look back and say damn.. I DID it, I did it on my own and I did it WELL. :)

I know this isn't like earth shattering La truths.... haha, but it's a truth in myself that I need to accept and realize, and those truly are the most important now aren't they ;) I'm a ways off from my FINAL goal still, but I'm 18lbs away from my first goal- and that sounds great :)

so I really am going to try to post on here as much as possible.. LOL who knows, I might post something relevant once in a while haha. Connor and I spent most of the day cleaning (well, fighting). I've started planning out how I'm going to transform this ho-hum wood panelled horror of an apartment into something liveable - I moved a few things around in the living room (LOL it's pretty small there's not a lot of wiggle room), and I'm shopping for a new compact cute desk (maybe like one of those glass metal combo desks? something other than wood that's all I know at this point), and I'm going to paint some furniture.. get some fabric, make some long curtains, make some pillows.. you know little things that won't break the bank (LOL well the desk isn't little, but I really need a new one). Connor's job of course was cleaning his room-- which was where the fighting came in. I've decided this whole "I'm almost 5" attitude totally blows LOL. I've been really spoiled up until this point with a sweet gentle kid- I don't know who he is anymore LOL. I'm told he'll calm down by the time he's.. 10. At least I won't have to deal with a teen girl right??? LOL. Teen girls will kill ya. He did eventually clean.. at dinner time. It was a long LONG day..
I snapped some pics of him, during one of the few moments he wasn't screaming at me-- they totally crack me up. He's SUCH a poser, he seriously stood in each of these positions just waiting for the camera to be ready.. I wish I had taken better pics, or had him move over or something cause they're so goofy (well to me.. knowing how the situation went down LOL). I also love them because they show off his weirdo style well LOL. His dad always gives me strange looks (well.. that's putting it nicely) when he sees what Connor is wearing.. but it's alllllllllllllllllllll the kiddo. I like that he has his own little way of expressing himself- and hey, he sorta matches.. he just likes clashy patterns LOL (ps his shorts ARE on backwards though, this is a favorite, and I'm not really sure why) He usually has a few more layers going on, but he decided just a sweatshirt was enough for today.

ps ignore the huge wet spot on his shirt, the boy does not know how to take a drink properly apparently.

I have no idea on this one LMAO.. attack of the crazy boy this is his "woooooooooooooooooah dude" face

I don't know what this was supposed to be.. LOL tough guy or something. Ignore the crap on the counter, I told you we were cleaning LOL-- oh and the broom behind him haha

*sigh* I can't believe how big he's getting.. He doesn't look like a baby at all anymore.

as promised...

so most of you know about my great love for miss audrey hepburn.. well there you have it, LOL she lives on my fridge haha. I thought she was a nice contrast to the green nails lmao. I have like this secret (well not so secret) other side of me who wants to be all glamorous, and well, be audrey. Unfortunately my love for things like green nail polish and shiny plastic little girl crap makes it a little difficult. One day I'll have the perfect blend of audrey + whatever you want to call the other half of me. It's too bad.. LOL I hacked off my wrist in this pic, it would have added to the clash. Connor and I made "matching" plastic bead & gimp bracelets.. mine is pink and purple-- super hot haha.
Anywayz.. about the nails.... This is prolly a bit darker than it should be, I put like 5 coats. Now, yes I am insane, but there was a reason for it. The nail polish is a bit weird.. like it didn't have that "shiny" look to it kwim, of course I am out of clear and that would have solved the problem instantly... so anyway.. rarah.. yes, lots of layers of green.. it's really a little bit lighter/brighter than this, but since I DID promise a pic...... there you have it. Now .. back to work :)

*muah*

La

Okaaaaaay..

LOL woot. It's not perfect, but I am so done for now. I am way spoiled by wordpress I think :)) I just wanted something quick and easy for my personal bloggie instead of dealing with all those database issues I have with my site.. but nooooooooooooooooooo LMAO.

Anywayz, now I have a new place to ramble on endlessly. Since I will only post my previews/store stuff on the team blog- I can babble about whatever I feel like here right ? :) LOL we'll see. I need to go find some peeps to add to my "blogs I read list". While I do love shawna, and her blog is the most important, I look like I have no friends now :)) My team is listed on the other bloggie so there's no need to link them here too :)) It's dinner time now, so we're going to go do that.. and then I have to wrap up some QT work.. and then..... well I have no idea what comes after that LOL. Spacing out.. dreaming of Leo.. watching blood diamond again (Megan IS the best btw, I still can't believe she sent me that LOL) oh and I have to take a pic of my green nails for everyone, LOL cant' forget that bwahaha.

OK Laterz
*muah*
La