So day 2 is upon us.. I figured this was the perfect pic for today as I sat here looking at my phone still blinking reminding me that I'm way behind today. It isn't just that I refused to wake up this morning, everything is off :p It'd rock if I started acting like a grown up and got out of bed at a normal hour- 830a is already "late" and I didn't get my butt up till prolly 1030a. Not that I'm really complaining about that, I like sleeping in.. but it's just magnifying my sucktitude today (sorry shawna LOL).Poor shawna had to listen to me ranting about being a crapfastic mom (and other things that bloggie doesn't need to hear).. I just feel like I've been putting on a show this past year. Everyone thinks I've been rocking this whole single mom thing, but I swear each day that goes by I am a little less sure on myself. There's the whole balance stuff, which I've babbled about in random journaling- that's normal- something every mom single or not has to deal with..... but the other crap, blargh. It nags at me because, while my ex dh was trying to just take one last dig @ me before he left.. he said something like he hoped his leaving would make me "well enough to be a good mom".. like I was some sort of cracked out suckfest or something. I thought I was a rocking mom before he left, I fought tooth and nail for my kid... life was tough then for sure, and yeh yeh... things are better for Connor now, things are more stable in my home at least, we're moving more positively etc........ but, I don't know. Stupid stuff, like not playing with him enough, not reading to him enough, forgetting to make him brush his teeth-- things I should be fully capable of staying on top of no matter what :p Shawna says we're just finding the healthy balance now.. that before- Ce was my EVERYTHING.. that it was too much.. I've heard that from other people too, to the point of people telling me that the kid and I were smothering each other.. but you can't just turn it off and go in the complete opposite direction. I dunno.....
so yeh.. this is making no sense LOL. There's like a ton of other stuff going on that is clouding my head and making it ridiculously impossible to get one stinkin thought out clearly today :p
But all in all. I'm off. I'm a step behind.. and I think I missed my wake up call.. on so many things.
Peace out.
La
11 comments:
Try not to be so hard on yourself, La. I feel everyday that I'm not a good enough mom. I forget to do things, choose not to do things, etc. I think it's normal (at least I hope it is). I do know from reading your blog and your posts at SSD that Connor is an amazing kid...and how do you think that happened??? YOU!!! ((Hugs)) It will be fine. Really.
*Hugs* Being a mom is tough!! We always think what we should do or what we don't do!! As long as your little man is happy safe and loved La La your a awesome mom!!
I personally think you are doing a GREAT job!!!! We all make mistakes. I'm not a single mommy and I don't always remember to have her brush her teeth or color with her as long as I should. You are perfectly normal...lol well as normal as a La can be! ;)
You'll get there, I promise... it is always a push and pull a constant struggle for balance i think as a mommy, but as long as you are trying, you are winning the battle. and um.. yeah... just be nice to my la please!
You're doing fine. Many Moms (single or not) forget little things or don't get all the little things done. There are so many things we can all say we haven't done enough of. The important thing is that he knows he is loved unconditionally by you. All the rest comes with that. You guys will be fine. :)
(((((hugs)))))) Stop blaming yourself, I'm sure you're doing your best. Being a perfect mom is a)impossible and b)if someone still manage to do it somehow, it's probably the best way to make a kid unhappy and totally neurotic, so please keep up being just human, it's already a great thing for your boy! Take care!!
Hugs sweety!! I agree don't beat yourself up, you are a good mom. I can't even imagine how hard it is to be a single mom, and if it makes you feel better I am just as bad and Im married so these things happen to all of us. In ten years he is not going to think man mom didn't make me brush me teeth twice a day hes goign to remeber a strong caring independent woman that he was lucky enough to have in his life. We have the hardest jobs in the world so you def deserve some slack, this doesn't come with directions babe.
Um La, I'm married, and a pretty good Mom, and I still forget to make JT brush his teeth. He's happy, healthy, and has only had 1 cavity, it's not the end of the world. I'm sure C loves you immensely, just as you are. Hang tough chica, life sucks, it's hard, you're doing your best and C knows that. That is what matters to him.
wow - thats pretty heavy. I admire you for being so focused. I suspect that many moms feel the same way, if you figure out how to not beat ourselves up you could be rich!
There are a lot of days that I "miss" my alarm. If the kids aren't up yet, then I'm not up yet. I totally feel ya there. And you're not sucking it up as a mom...you're an awesome mom!
I totally understand how you feel. I think about the same things and wonder if I am "doing right" by my son. Although I was never married, his dad still trys to tell me I'm a nutcase and any other put down he can think of. I can pretty much relate to everything you've said. From what I have seen and read, you seem like a great person and mother. I know it's extremely hard not to 2nd guess yourself. But I think we owe it to our sons not to. Stay strong and if you ever want to talk, I'm here.
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